And A Really Bad Cough...
(Originally written on 12/22/2012)
I had promised my dads current girlfriend that I would bake cookies. Though I would have to do such fun affairs, I have as of late come down with a bad cough. I was unsure of the proper procedural actions in just simply saying no. I didn't know how to simply say it.
(Posted today)
The cough still continues. I feel like puking when I wake up. It doesn't hurt though. It's clear and doesn't burn. I think I just haven't vacuumed my room in a while. I will have to take note to do it soon. Anyways, I have come to realize the christmas spirit is lacking in my heart as of late. I don't want to become a Scrooge about it but it seems to lack when it comes to Christmas. I hate that too. I hate that it is Jesus's birthday and I feel all so grouchy and emotionless. I feel as though it is a bit difficult as to describe why. One of the theories is because I keep getting mixed responses when I receive and give gifts. Either I get an overly excited or and underly appreciated reaction. I have no idea as to why I keep getting this reaction.
I don't even know why I keep getting these reactions. I am unsure if I can't read what is happening or if that is truly the reaction. I am not sure how to describe it.
I also get the feeling that I receive childish gifts. Though that is up to debate. I see people get things like appliances and expensive electronics. What do I get? Candy and gloves and a bath wrap. Do not get me wrong. I am thankful and all of the gifts I got this year. I love receiving gifts from people. I am forever greatful. It's just that people perceive me as a child. I want to be treated like an adult. But I guess that wont happen for a while.
Any ways, I am not feeling well so I will head off. Not feeling well sure does stink on Christmas. I used to have that as a kid. Well anyways, Happy Holidays... Merry Christmas... Happy Yule.. No matter what you celebrate! Goodnight and may this year be very well this year.
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Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Hear What I Mean..
Not What I Say....
There is one thing I keep constantly seeing in terms of those whom are on the Autistic Spectrum and that is that people don't understand/notice what they mean and/or do. I am having this issue right now as I have no idea how to put words together and say what is needed to be said. There is very little understood (for some reason) about this concept of us not knowing how to get our brain and our mouth to communicate together and process what is needed. I keep finding myself saying something and people getting upset because I didn't say what I thought I said or vise versa.
Course this is under the assumption that the person on the spectrum can speak but even in typed messages words can still get construed and it can be quite frustrating.
To the parents:
I know you have a hard time understanding your child or whom ever is on the spectrum. Here is my piece of advice for you.
1) Think Outside the Box- If the child is acting a certain way that does not seem logical then it could be for a very overly obvious reason. I hate to use the reason shootings in Conneticut but I will for the sake of example. If your child is annoyed by the topic it may be that they just want something else to be shown on tv cause they don't want to be hurt anymore by the tragedy. They want everyone to move on. This concept could not be simply thought of and has to be thought out side the box to understand. They may not be able to display the concept in words and the only way they were able to display the information was to get away from it. Or sometimes by acting very irrational such as laughing (maybe thinking of something in there head etc to help escape the thought) or other happy moods even when the subject is brought up.
2) Ask Them- I know this seems obvious but do not feel afraid to ask why they have reacted in such a way that you may not understand. If they get agitated, tell them that they do so to you (if this fact applies). If you ask them ahead of time if you can ask why they act a certain way this will help. Some will feel agitated and angry by it but tell you want to better understand and are curious and wish to understand there methods. This should help lighten the mood. If it still doesn't make sense use past experiences to help gather ideas and theories. Tell them to use words they normally don't use to help describe there emotions and why its happening.
3) Metaphoric or Literal- This is a bit of a tricky one. It's the same issue as describing the Bible. Do you take the passages literally or metaphorically? This will take practice to learn and figure out how there language works when it comes to explaining things. It is the hardest and one of the most customizable things you will have to take part in with your child in some cases. Learn what they mean by certain meanings... such as it hurts (emotionally) and it hurts (physically). This seems obvious to adults and those off the spectrum but for those on the spectrum it is very difficult to decipher sometimes. Mind you this piece of advice goes on further and wider spectrums. You may have to go back to advice 1 to figure this one out. Think outside the box.
For those one the spectrum:
1) Please Be Patient- I know you are agitated with the parent/guardian. You may not make sense to them but keep in mind they don't make sense to you either. Try multiple ways to explain to them why you act or say certain things. Take your time and don't rush. I know that is hard, it is for me. Any time there is confusion take a deep breath and try again with different words and concepts.
2) Be Open- Don't bottle yourself up. Let them know why you act the way you do. If you hold it in and not explain it will be harder when trying to explain things in the long run. This also applies to in general when it comes to admitting and talking about things.
3) See Advice 3 for Parents
I hope this helps in terms of understanding one another. Please leave a comment if you have any questions and I will try to give my input.
Until Next Time,
Peace!
Help keep the blog going ---------------->
There is one thing I keep constantly seeing in terms of those whom are on the Autistic Spectrum and that is that people don't understand/notice what they mean and/or do. I am having this issue right now as I have no idea how to put words together and say what is needed to be said. There is very little understood (for some reason) about this concept of us not knowing how to get our brain and our mouth to communicate together and process what is needed. I keep finding myself saying something and people getting upset because I didn't say what I thought I said or vise versa.
Course this is under the assumption that the person on the spectrum can speak but even in typed messages words can still get construed and it can be quite frustrating.
To the parents:
I know you have a hard time understanding your child or whom ever is on the spectrum. Here is my piece of advice for you.
1) Think Outside the Box- If the child is acting a certain way that does not seem logical then it could be for a very overly obvious reason. I hate to use the reason shootings in Conneticut but I will for the sake of example. If your child is annoyed by the topic it may be that they just want something else to be shown on tv cause they don't want to be hurt anymore by the tragedy. They want everyone to move on. This concept could not be simply thought of and has to be thought out side the box to understand. They may not be able to display the concept in words and the only way they were able to display the information was to get away from it. Or sometimes by acting very irrational such as laughing (maybe thinking of something in there head etc to help escape the thought) or other happy moods even when the subject is brought up.
2) Ask Them- I know this seems obvious but do not feel afraid to ask why they have reacted in such a way that you may not understand. If they get agitated, tell them that they do so to you (if this fact applies). If you ask them ahead of time if you can ask why they act a certain way this will help. Some will feel agitated and angry by it but tell you want to better understand and are curious and wish to understand there methods. This should help lighten the mood. If it still doesn't make sense use past experiences to help gather ideas and theories. Tell them to use words they normally don't use to help describe there emotions and why its happening.
3) Metaphoric or Literal- This is a bit of a tricky one. It's the same issue as describing the Bible. Do you take the passages literally or metaphorically? This will take practice to learn and figure out how there language works when it comes to explaining things. It is the hardest and one of the most customizable things you will have to take part in with your child in some cases. Learn what they mean by certain meanings... such as it hurts (emotionally) and it hurts (physically). This seems obvious to adults and those off the spectrum but for those on the spectrum it is very difficult to decipher sometimes. Mind you this piece of advice goes on further and wider spectrums. You may have to go back to advice 1 to figure this one out. Think outside the box.
For those one the spectrum:
1) Please Be Patient- I know you are agitated with the parent/guardian. You may not make sense to them but keep in mind they don't make sense to you either. Try multiple ways to explain to them why you act or say certain things. Take your time and don't rush. I know that is hard, it is for me. Any time there is confusion take a deep breath and try again with different words and concepts.
2) Be Open- Don't bottle yourself up. Let them know why you act the way you do. If you hold it in and not explain it will be harder when trying to explain things in the long run. This also applies to in general when it comes to admitting and talking about things.
3) See Advice 3 for Parents
I hope this helps in terms of understanding one another. Please leave a comment if you have any questions and I will try to give my input.
Until Next Time,
Peace!
Help keep the blog going ---------------->
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Chickens...
And Misunderstanding...
In the 3rd grade, we had these little baby chicky's that came into our class room. I can't quite remember why we had them or anything but I remember them quite well. I remember they liked to hop out of the kids hands for some odd reason. Maybe they wanted to take flight despite biological boundaries?
Any ways, I wanted to prevent them from falling out of my hands so I held them a certain way. I would clasp them so lightly but let my pointer finger and my ring finger split apart so the head could fit through. Unfortunately one of the students thought I was choking it but when I tried to explain (if memory serves right) some one took it away from me. Thanks f*cker....
Also I remember as a kid we had a small garden at around the same grade and I remember planting a small seed and ... stomping on it. At the time, I remember watching others plant and they would pat it down. Well, I thought that you had to do that I just decided to use my foot with light force. I do not mean that sarcastically.
I get misunderstood all the time. I have no idea how to correct it. It happens all the time. It is, however, a two way street. I misunderstand them just as much as they do me.
I feel so alone because of it and what I believe in gets construed all the time. My words get twisted and people don't listen to me and jump the gun about me.
Any of you ever have those?
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In the 3rd grade, we had these little baby chicky's that came into our class room. I can't quite remember why we had them or anything but I remember them quite well. I remember they liked to hop out of the kids hands for some odd reason. Maybe they wanted to take flight despite biological boundaries?
Any ways, I wanted to prevent them from falling out of my hands so I held them a certain way. I would clasp them so lightly but let my pointer finger and my ring finger split apart so the head could fit through. Unfortunately one of the students thought I was choking it but when I tried to explain (if memory serves right) some one took it away from me. Thanks f*cker....
Also I remember as a kid we had a small garden at around the same grade and I remember planting a small seed and ... stomping on it. At the time, I remember watching others plant and they would pat it down. Well, I thought that you had to do that I just decided to use my foot with light force. I do not mean that sarcastically.
I get misunderstood all the time. I have no idea how to correct it. It happens all the time. It is, however, a two way street. I misunderstand them just as much as they do me.
I feel so alone because of it and what I believe in gets construed all the time. My words get twisted and people don't listen to me and jump the gun about me.
Any of you ever have those?
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Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Your Still Here..
But still so far away...
I am not sure why but as of recent my dad has had this very distant feeling. I can see it in his eyes and the way he talks. I have no idea what is going on. I hope to God it is not because of me. In a way, it is very weird for it to be 'my fault'. But I don't deny that it may have something to do with it. He is happy all the time when Mary is around but for some reason when he is just doing his own thing I walk in and he is so depressed. He hasn't said it upright but when his voice trails off and doesn't have the upbeat tone in his voice, I begin to worry. I have finals and this is on my mind along with other things.
I keep feeling like he is drifting. I can't tell if he is sad or just tired. Is he even happy? Was he ever happy with his life to begin with. He seems so sad as of late. I am unsure as to why but it just seems out of place. He doesn't seem himself.
(btw and update on the internet thing.. I have noticed that is not letting up on the situation. I went last night to the bathroom and I left my door open. So what's the first thing my dad does? Goes into my room to see if I have my tower hooked up to the internet, sense he saw it on and everything... Really dad really?)
Any way I must close off so I may go to bed and attempt at kicking the finals in the ass.. Until next time..
Peace!
Help support the blog--------->
I am not sure why but as of recent my dad has had this very distant feeling. I can see it in his eyes and the way he talks. I have no idea what is going on. I hope to God it is not because of me. In a way, it is very weird for it to be 'my fault'. But I don't deny that it may have something to do with it. He is happy all the time when Mary is around but for some reason when he is just doing his own thing I walk in and he is so depressed. He hasn't said it upright but when his voice trails off and doesn't have the upbeat tone in his voice, I begin to worry. I have finals and this is on my mind along with other things.
I keep feeling like he is drifting. I can't tell if he is sad or just tired. Is he even happy? Was he ever happy with his life to begin with. He seems so sad as of late. I am unsure as to why but it just seems out of place. He doesn't seem himself.
(btw and update on the internet thing.. I have noticed that is not letting up on the situation. I went last night to the bathroom and I left my door open. So what's the first thing my dad does? Goes into my room to see if I have my tower hooked up to the internet, sense he saw it on and everything... Really dad really?)
Any way I must close off so I may go to bed and attempt at kicking the finals in the ass.. Until next time..
Peace!
Help support the blog--------->
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Shattered Glass...
In the Middle of the Night...
So my semester has become a total failure. In so many ways, this semester not only academically but emotionally and mentally has put a strain on myself. Not only have I failed (pretty much) this semester, but I have now had two of my windows broken in my van. I couldn't come to any conclusion to what I possibly have done to deserve all of this. I had a IM chat with a friend of mine.. I spilled so much... no spelling corrections will be made.. just straight from the chat box.. the name is changed for protective purposes..
So my semester has become a total failure. In so many ways, this semester not only academically but emotionally and mentally has put a strain on myself. Not only have I failed (pretty much) this semester, but I have now had two of my windows broken in my van. I couldn't come to any conclusion to what I possibly have done to deserve all of this. I had a IM chat with a friend of mine.. I spilled so much... no spelling corrections will be made.. just straight from the chat box.. the name is changed for protective purposes..
Mew-Z: hi there... :p
Unknown is now Online.
Unknown: hello
Mew-Z: how was your day?
Unknown: busy
Mew-Z: I feel ya.. I doubt my day is busier than yours but time is
a crunchin..
Unknown is now Away.
Unknown is now Online.
Unknown: i was beeing sarcastic,i am having a star trek voyager
marathon
Mew-Z: ah.. well either case.. at least its the weekend
Unknown: yes
Mew-Z: stil.. I don't feel safe at the house.. no idea what to do
really..
Unknown is now Away.
Unknown is now Online.
Unknown: self fulling prophecy
Mew-Z: self fullfilling prophecy?
Unknown: stop playing dumb
Unknown: you know exaclty what im going to say
Mew-Z: O.o no I don't.. I thought of this though when you said
that..
Mew-Z: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr-SqRWImmI
Unknown: okay not donig that
Mew-Z: :P theme of my life
Unknown: you need to help yourself
Unknown: you not anyone else is in controlof your life
Unknown: change as you want to, not as anyones else says
Mew-Z: that undefined metamorphisis from the thing on a leash to
the one leading the leashed...........
Unknown: stop the analysis on the topic
Unknown: start your life
Mew-Z: ........
Unknown: this is not some srt of therapy, and im not a
docter
Mew-Z: Thats what I thought I was doing..
Mew-Z: of course not
Unknown: i cannot handle your every concern, but you know
how
Mew-Z: I know you cant...
Unknown: everytime you face a decicions, you go to our
friends for support
Unknown: you do not need that support
Unknown: you are a fully capable person
Unknown: you have the ability to have joy in your life
Unknown: you have the ability to make your way in life
Unknown: go ahead
Mew-Z: what?
Mew-Z: Am I supposed to say something..
Unknown: you wanted to
Unknown: now say it
Mew-Z: what can I possibly say at times that I have no words
... just black thoughts
Mew-Z: blank not black
Unknown: okay, one final thought for the night
Unknown: you are in a bad place
Unknown: with nowhere to run
Unknown: no hopes, no desires, and no direction
Unknown: are you gonna sit down and take it
Unknown: or are you gonna make ourself happy
Unknown: think too long about this, and you will have gained
the direction that you need
Unknown: im sorry i cant help you anymore with your
problems, cause you have already solved them yourself
Mew-Z: I know you cant
help me.. I keep going to people hoping for solutions.. hoping that a
plan could emit from them instead of me
Unknown: there you go
Unknown: you are free
Mew-Z: I already knew this from the get go..
Unknown: so whats stopping you from being happy
Unknown: you dont have a computer for gaiming
Unknown: you car is being trashed
Unknown: and you are failing in your studies
Unknown: thats pisses you off? doenst it
Mew-Z: yes... of course.. well more or less just keeps
pushing me down.
Unknown: god dammit
Unknown: so you are having a tought time at school
Unknown: study, and do well
Unknown: stop being pushed down, and show the people around
you that you are not to be put down
Unknown: if i had done the same, i would not even be
employed
Unknown: wake up, and do something,
Unknown: you dont need someone for support, especially when
you have sole ability to change it
Unknown: you need proff
Unknown: here it is
Unknown:
http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A0PDoV5G7cNQ8HYAtXCJzbkF;_ylu=X3oDMTBlMTQ4cGxyBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDaW1n?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3F_adv_prop%3Dimage%26va%3Dbasket%2Bfull%2Bof%2Bkittens%26fr%3Dyfp-t-701%26tab%3Dorganic%26ri%3D33&w=420&h=280&imgurl=www.mythreecats.com%2Fimages%2Fkittens_in_a_basket.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fbogeysblogsphere.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F10%2F&size=28.3+KB&name=cat+egory+group+cats+grand+prize+%3Cb%3Ekittens+%3C%2Fb%3Ein+a+%3Cb%3Ebasket+%3C%2Fb%3Esubmitted+by+...&p=basket+full+of+kittens&oid=b58454991d5a7e779bf24f3468cdc75f&fr2=&fr=yfp-t-701&tt=cat%2Begory%2Bgroup%2Bcats%2Bgrand%2Bprize%2B%253Cb%253Ekittens%2B%253C%252Fb%253Ein%2Ba%2B%253Cb%253Ebasket%2B%253C%252Fb%253Esubmitted%2Bby%2B...&b=0&ni=264&no=33&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=11en84hm2&sigb=13lnth9qe&sigi=11i4jl13a&.crumb=rMlnG7F6kvj
Unknown: how does that make yuo feel?
Mew-Z: ....... sadly.... just pleasing to the eyes..
Mew-Z: I have felt like I am shut off at the time..
Unknown: then shuit down
Unknown: take it
Unknown: be the under achiever
Mew-Z: a reverse psychology
Mew-Z: its a bitch
Unknown: stop analysing the situation
Unknown: are you gonna take the shit from a friend
Unknown: or are you gonna do something about it
Mew-Z: I am not sure why but I just want to slap
you.....................
Mew-Z: but that could be out of my own frustration and
knowing that I was wrong
Unknown: the slap me
Mew-Z: I can't your in DC
Unknown: say it
Unknown: stop toying with me
Mew-Z: say ........ what?
Unknown: speak your mid
Unknown: you gonna slap me with using words, better have
something to say
Unknown: you are nothing, but what you make of yourself
Unknown: what are you gonna do about it
Unknown: huh
Unknown: say it dammit
Mew-Z: You don't understand my side of the story. THough I know your words are much to me and
wise to my ears, I can't help but sometimes feel like you go blank to me. I am
in the process of trying to shift and not find myself but create myself. I must
admit it is somewhat childish to me when I look at myself and see that all I am
is alone..
Unknown: good
Mew-Z: I hope you understand that from this chair .. (
though I could tell it to your face)
Unknown: what the fuck are you gonna do to change this
Mew-Z: you come off as blank yourself.
Mew-Z: Only talking about things from the source of tezt
Unknown: cause i am blank
Mew-Z: text
Mew-Z: instead of using your own damn voice to speak what
comes to your mind
Unknown: you want something from me, you want something from
life
Unknown: then fucking take ot
Mew-Z: Because you yourself hate talking about this.. you
despise it ..
Unknown: dont just sit down and take the hand you have been
delt
Unknown: i had that shit m y entire life
Mew-Z: So have I
Unknown: i am not taking this myself and neither shall you
Mew-Z: Being the rope in tug of war.
Mew-Z: But all my life I have felt that there is nothing for
myself becuase I am just here.. nothing to look forward to and nothing to shoot
for becuase I have always been shut down... always been told things that memory
fails to remember but emotions do.
Unknown: thats the point
Unknown: your not a man
Unknown: but you need to grow a set of balls
Unknown: so suck it up, and do what you need to
Mew-Z: I wish people would just be good but for some fucked
up reason I keep seeing people be nothing but pieces of filth.. I see it in
everyone family or not
Unknown: i like balls
Unknown: and you need some
Unknown: make you laugh, good
Unknown: cause you can do what ever the fuck you want, and
you certainly dont need the guideance of someone like me, when you can handle
these problems with your own descretion
Unknown: going outside
Mew-Z: Unknown, as I sit here blaring music in hopes of
drowning out the sounds of silence, I know that I can't get my pieces of
information together. I have always needed told everything. That has been the
treatment all my life. I was never 'tought' how to think for myself and when I
do it was wrong!!! I have nothing on me as a person but the two bare hands that
I was born with and I am not going to sit here and take your shit! Why must the
lessons that I have to learn always end in anger and in tears..
Unknown: good
Unknown: on the part of responding
Unknown: but you need to take riskes and stand up for
yourself
Unknown: like you just did
Unknown: tears or not, you cannot just take it
Mew-Z: Why must I vent to people who wont listen.. ( not to
say oyou haven't) when there are others whom will and yet they are not
avalilbe... you answer me this. In the who scheme of life and all that there
is.... why oh why must there be somehting that is inside of us that Breaks us
down so far the rabit whole and to never see the grand light of day!!! tell ME!
Mew-Z: Tell me why I have this going on in my life that I
have to turn into a hard ass and become some one I feel I am not
Mew-Z: ! WHY!
Unknown: because its not goal, but the jorney that defines
us
Unknown: thats why i try so hard, thats why i risk my like
to pursue mathematical comuotations in the goverments
Unknown: thats why everyone of our friends look up tome
Mew-Z: so you can get better pau?
Mew-Z: pay?
Unknown: and that why you are gonna do what make you happy
Mew-Z: pay?
Unknown: and that why you are gonna do what make you happy
Mew-Z: But as far as that I can not. Sure I could step out
and get out there. Money is a burden for alot
Unknown: brb 20 days
Mew-Z: 20 days?
Unknown is now Away.
Mew-Z: Allow me some more of an insight. I am not sure f
this will even make sense but alas I must try my hardest to get you to
undertand
Mew-Z: Maybe not.
Mew-Z: but this is something that I can't bare to ever
think. THat I would ever do something like hit a friend.. on purpose. I keep
seeing it replayed over and over again.
Unknown is now Online.
Mew-Z: I had to pace to get me to calm down because nothing more
than that is ever going on at one
Mew-Z: once
Mew-Z: Do you think that we all have instinct
Unknown: well if thinking about what other poeple are
beleive you are capable of then...
Mew-Z: that just naturally we can just take everyday by day
knowing what we ahve to do
Unknown: break some noses
Mew-Z: That everyone knows how to take the information
downloaded into our brains and able to translate that into what we know is true
and ok.
Mew-Z: I would surely love to know how someone can just
simple walk the ways of life and just simply figure all this out
Mew-Z: how they can just simply come up with an answer in
thin air
Mew-Z: like its some sort of fucking magic trick.
Unknown: well, if you know enought to analize it then you
know how to deal with it
Mew-Z: I tell you right now that I have no such ability
Mew-Z: I have no idea how you all just snap your fingers and
no how to solve the next problem ahead.
Mew-Z: or maybe just simply ignore it.
Mew-Z: Nothing to me ever makes sense.
Mew-Z: I do not have this instinct that I have spoken of
Mew-Z: Everyone and I myself expects me to be something.
thought the answers are different.
Mew-Z: when I look deep inside of myself it is a blank piece
of apaper...
Unknown: good write what you want
Mew-Z: when I try to draw on it... there is nothing there..
the ink simply dissappears.
Mew-Z: I can't get it all to stick..
Mew-Z: it will never stick
Unknown: stop being negative
Unknown: it will kill you
Unknown: and destory everone you love
Mew-Z: There are hardly any that care.. I calll and rarely
anyone has ever answered.
Mew-Z: and those who sometimes do.. have a certain bias that
coulds there heads.
Mew-Z: clouds
Mew-Z: there
Mew-Z: heads
Mew-Z: No one in any given situation has given a "true"
answer. There is no one out there whom has ever given the perfect solution. and
even now I think how in the hell am I even able to conjur up words to put
together the ideas that are swirling in my head as I go.... and as I do
Mew-Z: I wonder if you are even listening.. or if you just
fill in the blank.. but again
Mew-Z: that could be my own clouded jdgement..
Mew-Z: because not only can the ink not stick.. but the eyes
are some what broken
Mew-Z: I can not see properly the world that I want to see
..
Mew-Z: becuase I am so broken ... that I have yet to find
myself.. I thought I would have figured it out by tnow.
Mew-Z: that everything would be omeing to gehter for what I
want to do with myself.
Mew-Z: I keep comoing up blank..
Mew-Z: is there really anything out there that is my want
for the rest of my life..... do you know what my heart truly desires...????
Mew-Z: What my heart has begged for all this time... as I
sit here closing my eyes and praying for my heart to talk and tell me what I
need to know. I sit here typing mywhat my head has to say and you know hwa tit
says..
Unknown is now Away.
Mew-Z: at all?
Mew-Z: Do you know what my heart craves? True Love, Truth,
Knowledge, Adversity, Travel and see what green and blue Earth God has given
us, and most of all self reliaance... know that what I do is not a waste of
precious time.. that everything I do is part of a master plan.
Mew-Z: Do you truly hear me?
Unknown is now Online.
Mew-Z: or are you just sitting there waiting for me to stop
so you can interupt.. and here me cry one more time.
Unknown: i hear you, but i do not know what anyones heart
desires
Mew-Z: of course you don't
Mew-Z: you only know what of your own
Mew-Z: that is a fault in all of us
Mew-Z: we only know what we as a self truly wants..
Mew-Z: not everyone else
Mew-Z: we have a beautiful but ugly thing called society..
Unknown: thats a drive in life that everyone keeps to
themselves, and is what makes everything possible
Mew-Z: we can all obey this alignment called society and yet
we can not hear the cries of everyone elses pains.. we can not help those whom
wish to be given that rope to climb the moutain of life..
Mew-Z: I don't know what this all means becuase I keep rerouting
back to this one point and I know somewhat it is not true.
Mew-Z: that I have no such ability to do I what I crave so
much for.....
Mew-Z: because my head and my heart does are not compatible
Mew-Z: they never were for anyone..
Mew-Z: So I have to sit here and think on the surface and
pray that it will all stick and become wht I need it to. becuase I have no
other way. Its like a piece of the animalistic instinct is not there or maybe
its broken or maybe its or just simply turned off..
Mew-Z: broken, missing, turned off..... thats all there is..
Mew-Z: I don't have the tools to fix it. I do not wish a
doctor to tell me how to do it.. they want money just like I need it.. to move
out and on. Friends do tend to stay away from it
Mew-Z: they can handle it for so long...
Unknown is now Away.
Mew-Z: then they must part for they are sick and tired of
peopple.. which begs the question if that has become my circomstance.. that
people are so sick of hearing me be so lost. I don't have the tools they are
foreign. I am slow to learn and slow to certain ideas.. patience is a virtue..
and many lack it so.
Mew-Z: for that I will promise you that for what ever virus
or reason my head has given me this foreign idea...... I oh you... a slap to
the face.............
Mew-Z: I am unsure why.. maybe you have indeed ticked me off
for some unknown reason and idea..
Mew-Z: I have merely fallen into my own trap of my own pain
and dismay but yet there are times it teases me and tells me that I owe you
that...
Mew-Z: I owe you a kiss with my fist or palm. but my heart
craves ever so ....... no..........
Mew-Z: Two intertwining ideas alternating in my arms wanting
to give you a hit of the century.. but yet my inner child that knows nothing
but innocence simply grabs me and says no to just take it.. cause there is
nothing more..
Mew-Z: nothing more painful than to physically abuse someone
whom is trying to help you and feed you the ideas that are needed to fight in
this unfair war called life.
Unknown is now Online.
Mew-Z: I dont understand this battle that I have to face.
call me spoiled call me weak .. but I can not hear my self anymore but the
cries i wept at night to sleep
Unknown: okay thats too much for me too read
Mew-Z: I feared you would say that............
Unknown: im making dinner
Mew-Z: that I have gone on this tangent. and yet its too
much
Unknown: some other time, too much infor right now
Mew-Z: so i spilled for no reason....
Mew-Z: you weren't really listeing and my tears were for
nothing
Mew-Z: because as usual I was screaming and no once can hear
a thing
Unknown: did ypu ever consider that you were screaming too
much
Mew-Z: no...
Mew-Z: because my screams.. are normally in my own head
Mew-Z: that leak out into everyday life..
Mew-Z: I'm sorry
Mew-Z: For all of this..
Unknown is now Away.
Mew-Z: plus if I am not mistaken .. once you close this
off... it all goes away right?
Mew-Z: there.. sent it to you facebook... just incase you
don't want to read it
Mew-Z: sorry skype.. you never had a facebook.. bleh
Take it as you will,
Friday, December 7, 2012
An attempt at poetry...
Ah we meet again...
So I just posted another piece on Figment and I am very satisfied with this one even though it does feel a bit incomplete. So here is A Storm in Healing..
So I just posted another piece on Figment and I am very satisfied with this one even though it does feel a bit incomplete. So here is A Storm in Healing..
Oh, thunderous clouds from hell you rise, a
symbol... a sign... of the greatest demise.
You do more than scare the weak. You fill
my soul with a roaring shriek.
You do more than light the skies. You shake
the ground and hear the cries.
Warning of danger you cast and emit. There’s
something here I must admit.
For fear is what they hear and you see I
question why
Must they be timid and shy, while I stand
here and embrace this sky.
For those growls and flashes most run and
hide
I run to the fields to see the great outside.
I feel your power, that great embrace.
I hold and respect that great true race.
Some have died from your titanic breath.
I spread my arms and fear no death.
And after this far long chase
I feel your tears upon my face.
For you are sad oh great demise
Because I am the only one of your only
allies.
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Saturday, December 1, 2012
Why Must Christmas...
Make me so sad...
I have only recently noticed the sadness that over comes me at this holiday time. I used to be so excited about the holidays to come but I keep finding myself coming back to tears. I am so stressed. I was never that good at gift giving. I just winged it. I am unsure what triggers it so much. I listen to christmas music and I get this sense of bitter sweet. I don't know what to do at this point in regards what has happened thus far. The stress of me failing school surely does not help.
I guess I am sick of commercialism. I am so sick of people making this all about gifts. Call me selfish, but black friday should be spent on yourself. I don't understand spending so much money on other people. This is not me being mean. This is me using logic. I just find more logic in buying products for people through out the year rather than one night. Black Friday is like a like getting raped by a thief in a dark alley. I try to avoid it. Though I do admit that I spent 40 dollars in movies for myself. But that is not my point.
My point of all this is that I miss christmas for its core values. The love and family. I keep seeing people getting themselves hurt from and being stupid all over material things. I hate christmas for this.
It is mostly sad on a personal level due to the parents divorce The pain I endured from just normal parenting stress. Plus the recent events causes me to become depressed this holiday season. Not much I can do on that though. Still working on it.
I hope you all have a good holiday this year. :) No matter what you celebrate!
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I have only recently noticed the sadness that over comes me at this holiday time. I used to be so excited about the holidays to come but I keep finding myself coming back to tears. I am so stressed. I was never that good at gift giving. I just winged it. I am unsure what triggers it so much. I listen to christmas music and I get this sense of bitter sweet. I don't know what to do at this point in regards what has happened thus far. The stress of me failing school surely does not help.
I guess I am sick of commercialism. I am so sick of people making this all about gifts. Call me selfish, but black friday should be spent on yourself. I don't understand spending so much money on other people. This is not me being mean. This is me using logic. I just find more logic in buying products for people through out the year rather than one night. Black Friday is like a like getting raped by a thief in a dark alley. I try to avoid it. Though I do admit that I spent 40 dollars in movies for myself. But that is not my point.
My point of all this is that I miss christmas for its core values. The love and family. I keep seeing people getting themselves hurt from and being stupid all over material things. I hate christmas for this.
It is mostly sad on a personal level due to the parents divorce The pain I endured from just normal parenting stress. Plus the recent events causes me to become depressed this holiday season. Not much I can do on that though. Still working on it.
I hope you all have a good holiday this year. :) No matter what you celebrate!
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Friday, November 30, 2012
When to Cry for Help...
Among Other Things...
As I grow ever so quickly to the end of the semester I fear that I will have to take the same classes again that I have already once taken. All my assignments for the exception of homework, has come up either an F or a D. I fear for my grade and my future as the ability to progress in my education slowly falls apart. I have no idea what happened this semester but I may have to take the same exact classes again. I look back on these days and think of how I was going to make myself so proud. So strong and able to fight off the demon known as college that I would over come. I have to start asking about my grades and myself. It's ironic. I get most of my games taken away and then my grades drop. Normally distractions suggest poorer grades. Course my distractions have taken on a different form. My form of stress has been suggested otherwise.
I have this stubborn nature. I don't want help at all. Knowing when you should call for help is very important in development for yourself. I have all my classes in a state of failure. I have finally hit rock bottom. Why did I not get help sooner. I was so confident starting out. But alas, I find myself fallen to the bottom put into pain and agony due to my own issues. Fallen from everything.
I have to get back on the road. I have no idea how to get back on track now. With only two weeks left of school I don't believe that there will be a way to get my grades back up. I pray for everyone to due the best, but I also pray that they also know when to say help. I ask if you believe in it to pray for me to know the difference and to say help when I need to. The people I do get help from don't tend to help so... I guess take that as you will.
I couldn't tell you when to ask for help. I tend to wait till I am in desperado. I have to learn this quick. Otherwise, I will find myself here again with no latter out. If I can't succeed in school, I have no chance in hell anywhere else.
As I grow ever so quickly to the end of the semester I fear that I will have to take the same classes again that I have already once taken. All my assignments for the exception of homework, has come up either an F or a D. I fear for my grade and my future as the ability to progress in my education slowly falls apart. I have no idea what happened this semester but I may have to take the same exact classes again. I look back on these days and think of how I was going to make myself so proud. So strong and able to fight off the demon known as college that I would over come. I have to start asking about my grades and myself. It's ironic. I get most of my games taken away and then my grades drop. Normally distractions suggest poorer grades. Course my distractions have taken on a different form. My form of stress has been suggested otherwise.
I have this stubborn nature. I don't want help at all. Knowing when you should call for help is very important in development for yourself. I have all my classes in a state of failure. I have finally hit rock bottom. Why did I not get help sooner. I was so confident starting out. But alas, I find myself fallen to the bottom put into pain and agony due to my own issues. Fallen from everything.
I have to get back on the road. I have no idea how to get back on track now. With only two weeks left of school I don't believe that there will be a way to get my grades back up. I pray for everyone to due the best, but I also pray that they also know when to say help. I ask if you believe in it to pray for me to know the difference and to say help when I need to. The people I do get help from don't tend to help so... I guess take that as you will.
I couldn't tell you when to ask for help. I tend to wait till I am in desperado. I have to learn this quick. Otherwise, I will find myself here again with no latter out. If I can't succeed in school, I have no chance in hell anywhere else.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Thanksgiving is Halloween...
For Turkeys...
I was unable to get internet on Thanksgiving so here was a quick type up I did during that time..
I was unable to get internet on Thanksgiving so here was a quick type up I did during that time..
Thanksgiving
Blogpost.
It is the
unfortunate event that although I have enjoyed my Thanksgiving dinner with my
mother and friend Justin, that I do not have internet connection at this time.
My mother does not have wifi. I am almost broke by this. But never fear,
Supernatural is here to keep me company. Well yes I have Justin but with no
chance of being able to update my blog and chat on facebook then I guess all I
can say is …. Withdrawal!!
Anyway I
joke and kid. This Thanksgiving this year has been very joyful. Things were quite
bright and upbeat today. Most Thanksgivings are normally very stressing due to
constant need of schedule. For some reason mom has already made this initiative
to make me come over to on every even year for the holidays. I wish I could
just choose those days. Choose when do to the things that I want to do even if
there are consequences. Maybe that’s why God gave us choice, even if sin is
attached. He wanted us to choose whether or not to be in his light. That there
is such a thing as consequences and the other side. What better way to teach of
the dire evil than to give them the choice.
So sorry for
being dark, especially for a day that we should all be thankful for things.
I stopped there due to distractions. Of course ya know... ADHD and all.. XD
Let's pick up here shall we?
I was going on a weird moment there. So I shall not go there.. The rest of the night into friday was interesting. The feast was good and the company was grand, even if he kept falling asleep on the couch. That night after visiting my grandmothers I went with some friends to hang out for black friday. I bought mostly for myself. I got hour movies and a Lady Gaga CD. There isn't much to say on black friday other than the fact I partially hate america for it. It lands on a day after we are to be thankful for the things we have and get mulled late that night for the one thing that someone else doesn't. I have no idea how to feel on this but I will just go with that.
The holidays are bitter sweet. I have my little tree up with blue and silver (might add red and gold) and I still have this .. anquish? I have no idea. The reason I feel this way is confusing. With the issues that I have been getting here at the house lately, it has created a big swirl of emotions and heart ache. Even prior to the recent issues I still found Christmas and the holidays to be a pain. People spend money. People don't know how to spend money correctly.... SOOOO much debt.
But yeah back on Thanksgiving...
I will simply end on this.
I am thankful for the following:
1) I am thankful for those whom have my back whether I realize it or not.
2) I am thankful to live in a place where I have a roof over my head and food on the table
3) I am thankful for a medium that allows me to connect with people all around the world... to people I don't even know.
4) I am thankful I am alive
5) I am thankful for the family that I have whether I am related or not either way.
6) I am thankful for the fandoms I am a part of from anime to Sherlock to video games.. etc.
7) I am thankful for the prayers and to whom they go to.
8) I am thankful that I even have a job even if it doesn't pay much right now
9) I am thankful for the education that I am receiving right now.. even if it's at a community campus
and 10) I am thankful for me and who I am as a person and that I know deep down inside I will try my hardest to be the best person that I can be. That is all I and any one can ever ask for.
(technically 11) Thank you for reading these posts if you have. It brings me joy that someone wants to listen. May this coming holiday and new year bring great joy to you all..
Happy Thanksgiving!
Peace!
Help support the blog ------>
I was going on a weird moment there. So I shall not go there.. The rest of the night into friday was interesting. The feast was good and the company was grand, even if he kept falling asleep on the couch. That night after visiting my grandmothers I went with some friends to hang out for black friday. I bought mostly for myself. I got hour movies and a Lady Gaga CD. There isn't much to say on black friday other than the fact I partially hate america for it. It lands on a day after we are to be thankful for the things we have and get mulled late that night for the one thing that someone else doesn't. I have no idea how to feel on this but I will just go with that.
The holidays are bitter sweet. I have my little tree up with blue and silver (might add red and gold) and I still have this .. anquish? I have no idea. The reason I feel this way is confusing. With the issues that I have been getting here at the house lately, it has created a big swirl of emotions and heart ache. Even prior to the recent issues I still found Christmas and the holidays to be a pain. People spend money. People don't know how to spend money correctly.... SOOOO much debt.
But yeah back on Thanksgiving...
I will simply end on this.
I am thankful for the following:
1) I am thankful for those whom have my back whether I realize it or not.
2) I am thankful to live in a place where I have a roof over my head and food on the table
3) I am thankful for a medium that allows me to connect with people all around the world... to people I don't even know.
4) I am thankful I am alive
5) I am thankful for the family that I have whether I am related or not either way.
6) I am thankful for the fandoms I am a part of from anime to Sherlock to video games.. etc.
7) I am thankful for the prayers and to whom they go to.
8) I am thankful that I even have a job even if it doesn't pay much right now
9) I am thankful for the education that I am receiving right now.. even if it's at a community campus
and 10) I am thankful for me and who I am as a person and that I know deep down inside I will try my hardest to be the best person that I can be. That is all I and any one can ever ask for.
(technically 11) Thank you for reading these posts if you have. It brings me joy that someone wants to listen. May this coming holiday and new year bring great joy to you all..
Happy Thanksgiving!
Peace!
Help support the blog ------>
Monday, November 19, 2012
This House is Mine...
Lets Work as a Team to Get it Done....
I had told myself a long time ago that I wouldn't post anything here on a very personal level. The subjects discussed were to be very basic and simple. However, do to certain circumstances I must voice my thoughts on certain events that have occurred in our house hold. This is just a rant and may get deleted at a later time.
If there is anything that I have learned over the past month it is simply that my belief of how things should be done are far more different then his viewpoints. The way we perceive information is very different. Allow me a chance to share the plan that I had made in a household.
If you are having a hard time with organizing chores among people here are some things to understand.
This system can be used for roommates and adults... or so I thought.
1) Chores/work is a team effort in the end
2) There are two types of Chores (inside the house) Universal Chores and Self Chores. Self Chores are chores that are to be done because you made a mess (examples: your own room.. your dishes... tracking dirt or mudd in.. taking care of your own pet (unless a shared pet then
This system was created after my father created a list of things to do around the house. I have no issue with work. There isn't much being asked and maybe I should just suck it up and just do it what ever. I am so sorry that this does not seem to be the point. This is the main point of the whole thing.
My father has asked me to do certain chores at certain times. For example, my dad has asked me to sweep twice a week. I normally only get around to it once a week. This does not seem like such a big deal. I normally get around to it once a week like most other chores (though vacuuming seems to be done 3 days a week). I pay rent (150 a month), pick up after myself and have done the chores that he has asked (though they don't get done the amount of times that he has asked it does indeed get done every week).
However, despite this my father believes that sense I have not done this to a matter that is humane... has taken my computer. The only thing I am able to use is my phone and laptop. I am 24 years old. This is ridiculous. He can not take my computer but he has.
I do not understand if this is how parents are all the time. Is this normal behavior for adults and the such? I thought I was an adult and that as long as everything is in order than everything would be ok.
This does not teach me anything... It shuts me down as an adult. It teaches me I own nothing to my name. I am paying for nothing (sense it makes no different if I pay rent or not) and that I have no self worth. I feel pathetic, shot down and the such. I am moving out soon. I must find a place in the world. Even if it means if I am on my own.
Alone.
Help support the blog! ------->
I had told myself a long time ago that I wouldn't post anything here on a very personal level. The subjects discussed were to be very basic and simple. However, do to certain circumstances I must voice my thoughts on certain events that have occurred in our house hold. This is just a rant and may get deleted at a later time.
If there is anything that I have learned over the past month it is simply that my belief of how things should be done are far more different then his viewpoints. The way we perceive information is very different. Allow me a chance to share the plan that I had made in a household.
If you are having a hard time with organizing chores among people here are some things to understand.
This system can be used for roommates and adults... or so I thought.
1) Chores/work is a team effort in the end
2) There are two types of Chores (inside the house) Universal Chores and Self Chores. Self Chores are chores that are to be done because you made a mess (examples: your own room.. your dishes... tracking dirt or mudd in.. taking care of your own pet (unless a shared pet then
it belongs in the Universal Chore List) etc) Universal are Chores that everyone is responsible of due to shared space.. Not one Chore is more important than the other. (Vacuuming, Dusting etc)
2a) Universal Chores are to be shared.... In every way..
2b) Self Chores are not to be done by some one else.. unless the other party wants to help out in any way. They should not be forced..
3) An agreed system if any kind can be created so long as the parties are fair and equal among work.
4) and lastly.. Chores can be traited if agreed.. any rule can be broken as long as both/all parties agree to it...
2a) Universal Chores are to be shared.... In every way..
2b) Self Chores are not to be done by some one else.. unless the other party wants to help out in any way. They should not be forced..
3) An agreed system if any kind can be created so long as the parties are fair and equal among work.
4) and lastly.. Chores can be traited if agreed.. any rule can be broken as long as both/all parties agree to it...
This system was created after my father created a list of things to do around the house. I have no issue with work. There isn't much being asked and maybe I should just suck it up and just do it what ever. I am so sorry that this does not seem to be the point. This is the main point of the whole thing.
My father has asked me to do certain chores at certain times. For example, my dad has asked me to sweep twice a week. I normally only get around to it once a week. This does not seem like such a big deal. I normally get around to it once a week like most other chores (though vacuuming seems to be done 3 days a week). I pay rent (150 a month), pick up after myself and have done the chores that he has asked (though they don't get done the amount of times that he has asked it does indeed get done every week).
However, despite this my father believes that sense I have not done this to a matter that is humane... has taken my computer. The only thing I am able to use is my phone and laptop. I am 24 years old. This is ridiculous. He can not take my computer but he has.
I do not understand if this is how parents are all the time. Is this normal behavior for adults and the such? I thought I was an adult and that as long as everything is in order than everything would be ok.
This does not teach me anything... It shuts me down as an adult. It teaches me I own nothing to my name. I am paying for nothing (sense it makes no different if I pay rent or not) and that I have no self worth. I feel pathetic, shot down and the such. I am moving out soon. I must find a place in the world. Even if it means if I am on my own.
Alone.
Help support the blog! ------->
Monday, November 12, 2012
Dealing with Death...
On top of everything else...
This is going to be quite difficult to describe as I have never really had anyone pass on sense GG (my great grandma). No one ever really ever knows how to describe the things in life let alone death. This is a subject that doesn't appear very often for me at least. It happens all the time else where and although I have never really had to worry about directly, I still feel that sense of sadness and dreariness when it is mentioned.
The thing about going to these calling hours is that he is my grandpa's brother. I never really knew the man. I believe I have met him once at my graduation. The thought of death is definitely something that the mind has such a hard time defining. What does it mean for us? I can still remember the very scene of that man, Nick.
I walked into the funeral home. At first I wasn't sure if I was in the right building. I felt so lost and unsure of myself. I tried texting dad but couldn't get a reply. Finally I just walked up to the door and an older man welcomed me and asked whom I was to see. Saying my last name, the man directed me to the room on the left. I signed in and stood in line. I saw my dad and his girlfriend in line. I thought about jumping line but went against it. I was wearing the most non appropriate clothing I could. A red Nintendo (c) jacket and blue jeans was not what you call calling hours attire. My grandfather caught site of me and lead me to the beginning of the line where my father and his girlfriend was.
I finally got the chance to see his body. It was eerie. The last time I had seen a body at a funeral was when I was almost twelve years old. My great grandma that I mentioned before. Looking at the body of my great uncle Nick sent into a stand still. When i would look at him I swear I would see him move. But of course I knew that my mind was playing tricks. I wanted so bad for him too move but he could not. The lips were almost as if they were pressed against his face. Even though his mouth showed that he was possibly sad, I knew other wise. The rest of his face, though I couldn't identify the exact detail how I knew, had shown that he was indeed happy.
There is nothing I can really say about death. It's the end. There is nothing in that body. Religion aside, it is still a scary thing. I have no idea what it will be like either way and hope to not go down in vain in any way. Many of us wonder what life becomes and we all know death is the end of it all. I never really knew the guy but I know he is happy. His smiled showed it.
I think about death and get this dark feeling of wonder and fear. I don't know if I will be in heaven, hell or maybe neither. I have no idea if there is anything to look forward to afterwards. Maybe God is out there looking down on me crying because he knows that I am not destined to be with him and I will be sent to damnation. Or maybe he is trying to kick my ass so I can get going and get moving so that I can finally be with him. Either way, I can't live life sadly. I asked one of his sisters (one of my great aunts) if he accomplished all of his life goals. Her answer had calmed my heart and I walked out sad (due to talking to her about other things personal) but rejuvenated. I was blank but still content in a sense. My great aunt looked at me and smiled and replied to me. Though it sounded like it was fake that could be because of other factors (confusion in our household as well as family), I still held on to it. She looked at me, smiled and replied...
"Yes. Yes he did."
Help Support the Blog------->
This is going to be quite difficult to describe as I have never really had anyone pass on sense GG (my great grandma). No one ever really ever knows how to describe the things in life let alone death. This is a subject that doesn't appear very often for me at least. It happens all the time else where and although I have never really had to worry about directly, I still feel that sense of sadness and dreariness when it is mentioned.
The thing about going to these calling hours is that he is my grandpa's brother. I never really knew the man. I believe I have met him once at my graduation. The thought of death is definitely something that the mind has such a hard time defining. What does it mean for us? I can still remember the very scene of that man, Nick.
I walked into the funeral home. At first I wasn't sure if I was in the right building. I felt so lost and unsure of myself. I tried texting dad but couldn't get a reply. Finally I just walked up to the door and an older man welcomed me and asked whom I was to see. Saying my last name, the man directed me to the room on the left. I signed in and stood in line. I saw my dad and his girlfriend in line. I thought about jumping line but went against it. I was wearing the most non appropriate clothing I could. A red Nintendo (c) jacket and blue jeans was not what you call calling hours attire. My grandfather caught site of me and lead me to the beginning of the line where my father and his girlfriend was.
I finally got the chance to see his body. It was eerie. The last time I had seen a body at a funeral was when I was almost twelve years old. My great grandma that I mentioned before. Looking at the body of my great uncle Nick sent into a stand still. When i would look at him I swear I would see him move. But of course I knew that my mind was playing tricks. I wanted so bad for him too move but he could not. The lips were almost as if they were pressed against his face. Even though his mouth showed that he was possibly sad, I knew other wise. The rest of his face, though I couldn't identify the exact detail how I knew, had shown that he was indeed happy.
There is nothing I can really say about death. It's the end. There is nothing in that body. Religion aside, it is still a scary thing. I have no idea what it will be like either way and hope to not go down in vain in any way. Many of us wonder what life becomes and we all know death is the end of it all. I never really knew the guy but I know he is happy. His smiled showed it.
I think about death and get this dark feeling of wonder and fear. I don't know if I will be in heaven, hell or maybe neither. I have no idea if there is anything to look forward to afterwards. Maybe God is out there looking down on me crying because he knows that I am not destined to be with him and I will be sent to damnation. Or maybe he is trying to kick my ass so I can get going and get moving so that I can finally be with him. Either way, I can't live life sadly. I asked one of his sisters (one of my great aunts) if he accomplished all of his life goals. Her answer had calmed my heart and I walked out sad (due to talking to her about other things personal) but rejuvenated. I was blank but still content in a sense. My great aunt looked at me and smiled and replied to me. Though it sounded like it was fake that could be because of other factors (confusion in our household as well as family), I still held on to it. She looked at me, smiled and replied...
"Yes. Yes he did."
Help Support the Blog------->
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Electoral Votes...
VS Peoples Vote...
I don't understand a whole lot about the voting process. Electoral Votes is something I don't understand in any sense of the term. Just a short blurb.
First off I voted Obama...
Second, I think the Electoral Vote idea needs to go away.. (I am well aware that Romney won the Popularity Vote of the People) From how my friend on Facebook explained it.
I do not wish to create hate.. I just want to question if this is ok. Yes this worked for our behalf this time.. but imagine if it was vise versa... You all would be so pissed.
Thanks for a great battle.. Everyone.. including Romney supporters gets a free ice cream cone all around! Lets Pray for the Next 4 years.. either way!
I don't understand a whole lot about the voting process. Electoral Votes is something I don't understand in any sense of the term. Just a short blurb.
First off I voted Obama...
Second, I think the Electoral Vote idea needs to go away.. (I am well aware that Romney won the Popularity Vote of the People) From how my friend on Facebook explained it.
"each state is broken down into a certain number of districts, with each district having an electoral college member (ECM). normally, if the majority of a district's votes go for a candidate, then that district's ECM will vote for that candidate. however, they are still people, and can change their district's vote if they feel they need to."
Third, If this system was the system this past election I would hate America right now. Just my thought.. take that as you will.I do not wish to create hate.. I just want to question if this is ok. Yes this worked for our behalf this time.. but imagine if it was vise versa... You all would be so pissed.
Thanks for a great battle.. Everyone.. including Romney supporters gets a free ice cream cone all around! Lets Pray for the Next 4 years.. either way!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
You Are Not Stupid...
You Just Need a Different Input...
As I have been feeling doubt in myself, I have noticed much the same in others. I don't like seeing people call themselves stupid or anything of the sort. I know we could get into me gaining my own self confidence but that can be for another day.
As I was sitting in my math class, a student (whom was much older than I) finally admitted to the teacher that she didn't understand a single thing up into what we were doing as of now. She immediately got red and I can tell she was stressed. The teacher told her that he was glad that she finally admitted this instead of holding it all in. She replied with, "Why cause I am stupid?"
My mind started to flood with an idea; a sudden concept that I could have said to make her feel better. I know the instructor said otherwise and was wise when he spoke to cheer her up, but I still got this explanation my head.
I have this same issue. I keep thinking that I am stupid and even pathetic. I pictured a scenario of me sitting on a desk with a calculator in my hand. I would be facing her in the front corner of the set of desks.
"We did a problem on the calculator that I know most people got wrong while some got it right... right?"
She would nod.
"That problem was 25 over 2 times the quantity .02. Now I got the same exact answer myself that was wrong. Does this process make the calculator stupid?"
I can't picture her exact response but I would continue either way.
"No of course not. You take a problem that consists of a fraction with a decimal in the denominator that is multiplied by something. For example, 25 over 2 times the quantity of .02. You might get the answer of .25. That is most definitely wrong. But lets try this problem differently. Lets give it a different input. Type in 2 times .02. That gives you .04. Now take 25 divided by .04 and you will find a completely different answer... 625. *Shows Calculator with result* This does not show that the computer is merely stupid. This simply shows that the computer required a different input in order to process the information correctly."
I then allowed a small pause for thought.
"We are all calculators. We calculate whether you realize it or not. Do not ever have anyone tell you that you are stupid. Not even yourself. You just simply need a different input in order for you to understand the information given. If you can't process information no matter the input and technique and you gave up trying and you didn't tell anyone you were having said issue; then I would then argue that one or something is stupid. You are not stupid. You just need someone else to explain it."
I just wish that I told her right then and there. I felt kind of proud of myself to think in that manner.
Moral of the story, You Are Not Stupid! Remember that Future Me... You Are Not Stupid. You Just Need A Different Input.
Help support the blog! ------->
As I have been feeling doubt in myself, I have noticed much the same in others. I don't like seeing people call themselves stupid or anything of the sort. I know we could get into me gaining my own self confidence but that can be for another day.
As I was sitting in my math class, a student (whom was much older than I) finally admitted to the teacher that she didn't understand a single thing up into what we were doing as of now. She immediately got red and I can tell she was stressed. The teacher told her that he was glad that she finally admitted this instead of holding it all in. She replied with, "Why cause I am stupid?"
My mind started to flood with an idea; a sudden concept that I could have said to make her feel better. I know the instructor said otherwise and was wise when he spoke to cheer her up, but I still got this explanation my head.
I have this same issue. I keep thinking that I am stupid and even pathetic. I pictured a scenario of me sitting on a desk with a calculator in my hand. I would be facing her in the front corner of the set of desks.
"We did a problem on the calculator that I know most people got wrong while some got it right... right?"
She would nod.
"That problem was 25 over 2 times the quantity .02. Now I got the same exact answer myself that was wrong. Does this process make the calculator stupid?"
I can't picture her exact response but I would continue either way.
"No of course not. You take a problem that consists of a fraction with a decimal in the denominator that is multiplied by something. For example, 25 over 2 times the quantity of .02. You might get the answer of .25. That is most definitely wrong. But lets try this problem differently. Lets give it a different input. Type in 2 times .02. That gives you .04. Now take 25 divided by .04 and you will find a completely different answer... 625. *Shows Calculator with result* This does not show that the computer is merely stupid. This simply shows that the computer required a different input in order to process the information correctly."
I then allowed a small pause for thought.
"We are all calculators. We calculate whether you realize it or not. Do not ever have anyone tell you that you are stupid. Not even yourself. You just simply need a different input in order for you to understand the information given. If you can't process information no matter the input and technique and you gave up trying and you didn't tell anyone you were having said issue; then I would then argue that one or something is stupid. You are not stupid. You just need someone else to explain it."
I just wish that I told her right then and there. I felt kind of proud of myself to think in that manner.
Moral of the story, You Are Not Stupid! Remember that Future Me... You Are Not Stupid. You Just Need A Different Input.
Help support the blog! ------->
Monday, October 29, 2012
A Simple Word...
To The Elderly...
If anyone knows me well, they will know that I have scoliosis or in laymons terms, a curvature in the spine that pinches nerves and causes pain and other symptoms to occur. This is a very painful and annoying disability. I wish I could get rid of it quicker but I am on the road to recovery.
However, in this world the older generations love to pick and nip at you. Yes I understand that the young ones love to complain about things that happen in this world and although I may be one of them, I do not find it all too funny when I get a pinch in my back and some grandma has to walk up to me say, "Wait till you get our age."
Ma'am I am not amused by your little humorous moment of how you are so much older than us. I feel like I am 80. I had to take four days off of work due to my back going out and the inability get up from laying on my back. I was literally crying as I felt my self the inability to get up and go to work. I had just come back from an adjustment and this is what I get. I was helpless. I had to crawl. I felt like that damn lady from the commercial, "Help I am falling and I can't get up!" It feels so damn wrong that I at the age of 23 have to feel this way. I don't get all to bad anymore but I do feel bad a lot of times. It can be hard to walk and hard to stand. Sometimes even sitting hurts. and when I say hurts I mean to the point of no return. I can only damn it all imagine what it will be like at 50. I will kill myself if I am worse. I am not just a young one crying about life. I am a young one feeling the equivalent to the broken old man in a possible wheel chair. No words can describe the pain that I went through that day. I feel you all who go through the same pain no matter the injury. So, yeah, bitch please!
Though I do have to put myself on the spot light for a bit and say I do the same damn thing to kids. I know we all do it. Something happens and the kid starts crying and we get pissed. "Wait till you get to college" kind of moment. Kids no nothing of what is happening. They are new to the experience. I don't know the circumstances so I guess I just need to follow my own piece of advice and not judge. Making that comparison that in the elderly's eyes we are just babies is definitely a big sign of maturity. So I, in return will not judge kids... so damn it old people....
Quit Judging Me!
The Pride of a Parent...
Specifically mine...
As of recently I have ran into complicated associations with my father. It is very much a long story but much that can be researched to some degree. Allow me to evaluate...
My father is a very proud father. He wishes to show much of his accomplishments and finishing goals. This however has caused me and my father some massive fights and massive pains in the household.
My father wishes to show my room to others if they were to visit. I am not the cleanest person you will ever meet but this is not the deciding factor. I do not wish to present my room. I am unsure as to why I think this. I don't have anything to hide. I just do not wish for people to see my room without me being there. For some unknown reason to me other than dads pride, he won't understand to my decision. He gets very angry and nasty about it.
I was thought that adulthood consisted more than just picking after oneself. I was under the impression that adulthood came with communicating with everyone; including your parents. If something is wrong then you communicate to them the issue. Sometimes compromises can be made if one finds something unfair. I do not wish to get into this sense it has been put to rest. (Though I do not feel that it is still 'fair' but that is for a different day.)
I have been attempting to understand my fathers decisions and find what makes him tick. For the most part I can't find that one little detail that makes him focus and perceive through ideas and concepts.
Through the majority of my life I didn't have much stimulus. I was more concerned about finding time to do homework and the such just to stay afloat. Most people love to blame my mother for these actions (since my mother did not take us out other than karate class and grocery shopping on Saturdays). Though this may be a part of the issue I do not find it the absolute problem from my past. I had a choice as a kid to do what I wanted and needed. I interacted with students on a regular basis. It makes little sense for this excuse to go through.
My father has come to this absolute solution that this is not 'rocket science' which is very true. It isn't. But the conflictions of how we do things around the house and our own understanding of how things work are very much different in our heads.
I do not know if the following is because of pride of himself or what, but I do know it hurts. For those whom have Aspergers then you find that this following may offend you. My father told me that I needed to 'put aspergers aside and move on.'
D':
I can not simply turn this off. I am forever this way. I told my father so hard to explain it. I felt so tortured. I don't know if this is what it feels like to be discriminated but it happened. It hurt so much. I balled so much last night that my stomach hurt, I almost puked and I felt heavily depressed. I feel absolutely worthless. He is going off of information that was from 26 years ago. My sister has Autism and he thinks I am nothing like her. Trust me I am not like most whom are on the spectrum but damn it I am a lot more like my sister than my father takes for granted.
I am unsure if dad wants to take so much pride in raising me even though he has only recently came into my life. I am so unsure of the definitions of adult. I don't know what to do about it. I pray that I find true answers to this question soon. I thought people communicated, even to their own kids. Hey you are an adult now that means we need to communicate and act as such. I don't know why he just slips this list of things to do and thats that. I didn't know that this is what compromise was. He took one thing off the list. Damn it I didn't want to get into this.
Sorry, apparently I am spoiled. Apparently I am not respecting my dad by wanting to talk. I have to scream to be heard. Isn't that sad..
Fine... I am a brat.. spoiled.. whatever...
Even with that aside, I still don't feel that I am a person. I have to present my room to people I don't know and that is that.
Someone please give me some kind of answer...
Help support the cause.. click here --->
As of recently I have ran into complicated associations with my father. It is very much a long story but much that can be researched to some degree. Allow me to evaluate...
My father is a very proud father. He wishes to show much of his accomplishments and finishing goals. This however has caused me and my father some massive fights and massive pains in the household.
My father wishes to show my room to others if they were to visit. I am not the cleanest person you will ever meet but this is not the deciding factor. I do not wish to present my room. I am unsure as to why I think this. I don't have anything to hide. I just do not wish for people to see my room without me being there. For some unknown reason to me other than dads pride, he won't understand to my decision. He gets very angry and nasty about it.
I was thought that adulthood consisted more than just picking after oneself. I was under the impression that adulthood came with communicating with everyone; including your parents. If something is wrong then you communicate to them the issue. Sometimes compromises can be made if one finds something unfair. I do not wish to get into this sense it has been put to rest. (Though I do not feel that it is still 'fair' but that is for a different day.)
I have been attempting to understand my fathers decisions and find what makes him tick. For the most part I can't find that one little detail that makes him focus and perceive through ideas and concepts.
Through the majority of my life I didn't have much stimulus. I was more concerned about finding time to do homework and the such just to stay afloat. Most people love to blame my mother for these actions (since my mother did not take us out other than karate class and grocery shopping on Saturdays). Though this may be a part of the issue I do not find it the absolute problem from my past. I had a choice as a kid to do what I wanted and needed. I interacted with students on a regular basis. It makes little sense for this excuse to go through.
My father has come to this absolute solution that this is not 'rocket science' which is very true. It isn't. But the conflictions of how we do things around the house and our own understanding of how things work are very much different in our heads.
I do not know if the following is because of pride of himself or what, but I do know it hurts. For those whom have Aspergers then you find that this following may offend you. My father told me that I needed to 'put aspergers aside and move on.'
D':
I can not simply turn this off. I am forever this way. I told my father so hard to explain it. I felt so tortured. I don't know if this is what it feels like to be discriminated but it happened. It hurt so much. I balled so much last night that my stomach hurt, I almost puked and I felt heavily depressed. I feel absolutely worthless. He is going off of information that was from 26 years ago. My sister has Autism and he thinks I am nothing like her. Trust me I am not like most whom are on the spectrum but damn it I am a lot more like my sister than my father takes for granted.
I am unsure if dad wants to take so much pride in raising me even though he has only recently came into my life. I am so unsure of the definitions of adult. I don't know what to do about it. I pray that I find true answers to this question soon. I thought people communicated, even to their own kids. Hey you are an adult now that means we need to communicate and act as such. I don't know why he just slips this list of things to do and thats that. I didn't know that this is what compromise was. He took one thing off the list. Damn it I didn't want to get into this.
Sorry, apparently I am spoiled. Apparently I am not respecting my dad by wanting to talk. I have to scream to be heard. Isn't that sad..
Fine... I am a brat.. spoiled.. whatever...
Even with that aside, I still don't feel that I am a person. I have to present my room to people I don't know and that is that.
Someone please give me some kind of answer...
Help support the cause.. click here --->
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Oh School..
It has finally begun...
So I am into my third year of school and as usual nothing has changed. Even though I am part time, I still keep seeing the stupid people who walk the halls. Granted I shouldn't call freshman stupid (sense I know a few freshman whom are friends of mine and are far from stupid and are not part of this stereotype) but I still see in pretty much all the others the immature nature that is involved and it just makes me agitated. The way they look at people is still that of a child and it is quite agitating. I hope that in other schools this isn't the case but as far as I can tell, this is still the case. I have an unfortunate (yet fortunate?) situation of having two teachers with very thick accents. It is hard to understand them both but my current math teacher is my main focus. Not only is it hard to understand him but he does these weird metaphors. It's not bad or anything its just hard to relate to the metaphors. Personally I feel he has to give it straight and we can come up with our own metaphors.
Back on topic, I find the younger generation full of insignificant brats. Though it is rare to find the opposite, I see many young adults walk the halls with the typical high school "swag". The body language of cocky stuck up brats. It agitates me. This is supposed to be a step up from high school not a second attempt at high school. Even with my math teacher with the heavy accent, I heard a student in the back making snooty comments in the back. Really people? If you don't like it...
Leave.
So I am into my third year of school and as usual nothing has changed. Even though I am part time, I still keep seeing the stupid people who walk the halls. Granted I shouldn't call freshman stupid (sense I know a few freshman whom are friends of mine and are far from stupid and are not part of this stereotype) but I still see in pretty much all the others the immature nature that is involved and it just makes me agitated. The way they look at people is still that of a child and it is quite agitating. I hope that in other schools this isn't the case but as far as I can tell, this is still the case. I have an unfortunate (yet fortunate?) situation of having two teachers with very thick accents. It is hard to understand them both but my current math teacher is my main focus. Not only is it hard to understand him but he does these weird metaphors. It's not bad or anything its just hard to relate to the metaphors. Personally I feel he has to give it straight and we can come up with our own metaphors.
Back on topic, I find the younger generation full of insignificant brats. Though it is rare to find the opposite, I see many young adults walk the halls with the typical high school "swag". The body language of cocky stuck up brats. It agitates me. This is supposed to be a step up from high school not a second attempt at high school. Even with my math teacher with the heavy accent, I heard a student in the back making snooty comments in the back. Really people? If you don't like it...
Leave.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
My Attempt at Lyrics...
Like I need to write a song so I guess its a poem for now...
(this will not rhyme!)
There are these days where everything is right
You and I were just friends.
Things were calm and collective
Normal, right as rain.
You go through this hell where everything is bent
I can only imagine the pain that is in your veins.
All can't be helped
You seem so lost and hurt.
I want to comfort your heart and comfort your soul
I am far more than you thought
I want to ease your pain.
I want to make you better.
There is this feeling though that holds me back.
This desire to help you but it feels awkward.
I just want to embrace you but it doesn't feel right.
I don't know where to take this.
I don't want to send the wrong signals.
Its all I have.
I like you but you don't me.
Not in that way at least.
I don't know how to help you.
I don't know how to not bring on this awkward feeling that we have said never to bring up.
I am stuck in the middle.
Help me... Help you.
(this will not rhyme!)
There are these days where everything is right
You and I were just friends.
Things were calm and collective
Normal, right as rain.
You go through this hell where everything is bent
I can only imagine the pain that is in your veins.
All can't be helped
You seem so lost and hurt.
I want to comfort your heart and comfort your soul
I am far more than you thought
I want to ease your pain.
I want to make you better.
There is this feeling though that holds me back.
This desire to help you but it feels awkward.
I just want to embrace you but it doesn't feel right.
I don't know where to take this.
I don't want to send the wrong signals.
Its all I have.
I like you but you don't me.
Not in that way at least.
I don't know how to help you.
I don't know how to not bring on this awkward feeling that we have said never to bring up.
I am stuck in the middle.
Help me... Help you.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
A Short Blurb...
I typed on Facebook..
This is the following post I made just moments ago and hope that all of you get the chance to read it. Thanks for reading my posts thus far and may I tell you all my experiences with Aspergers Syndrome:
I have so many mixed feelings on autsim and its community and parents. Though I have grown up with an autistic older sister I don't quite see the burden that others have. This could be due to the severity of the case or it could be me not quite seeing the relationship. I can tell you now that though I may have aspergers syndrome and do not have severe cases of autism, I find myself offended when people say that they wish there child didn't have the disorder. What I want to hear in all the world for those whom are autistic, is that they wish that society would love, respect and learn autistics. Instead we are given this nasty look as if society wishes nothing to do with them/us. I pray that research is done fully to the highest extent and that if a cure is in deed provided that it is given by choice and based upon severity. I know there are some who go through hell and back and truly do suffer from it. If they wish for a cure that is fine. But for those like us whom need no true help via pill, I only wish that those people can be accepted. I look at these words and only find one true answer involving society...
It will never happen unless we educate. Please for the love of all who are human and holy, do some research on the subject then judge me. If there is one thing that I am forever glad for in my friend/co-worker (you know who you are) it is this:
Thank you for doing at least some research on the subject and treating me like an adult for the first time in a while. I know others have treated me like adults and I know some have done research (that I am aware of). But you are the only one I know whom have done both. For that I thank you Charlse. I also would like to thank Patty (no facebook account so no links to either one) for listening to me. No matter the issue I have to face, you listened and praised me for the good I have done. For that I tip my hat to the both of you and give a respectful bow.
Thank you all for reading this if you have and may God bless you this week and many days to come.
This is the following post I made just moments ago and hope that all of you get the chance to read it. Thanks for reading my posts thus far and may I tell you all my experiences with Aspergers Syndrome:
I have so many mixed feelings on autsim and its community and parents. Though I have grown up with an autistic older sister I don't quite see the burden that others have. This could be due to the severity of the case or it could be me not quite seeing the relationship. I can tell you now that though I may have aspergers syndrome and do not have severe cases of autism, I find myself offended when people say that they wish there child didn't have the disorder. What I want to hear in all the world for those whom are autistic, is that they wish that society would love, respect and learn autistics. Instead we are given this nasty look as if society wishes nothing to do with them/us. I pray that research is done fully to the highest extent and that if a cure is in deed provided that it is given by choice and based upon severity. I know there are some who go through hell and back and truly do suffer from it. If they wish for a cure that is fine. But for those like us whom need no true help via pill, I only wish that those people can be accepted. I look at these words and only find one true answer involving society...
It will never happen unless we educate. Please for the love of all who are human and holy, do some research on the subject then judge me. If there is one thing that I am forever glad for in my friend/co-worker (you know who you are) it is this:
Thank you for doing at least some research on the subject and treating me like an adult for the first time in a while. I know others have treated me like adults and I know some have done research (that I am aware of). But you are the only one I know whom have done both. For that I thank you Charlse. I also would like to thank Patty (no facebook account so no links to either one) for listening to me. No matter the issue I have to face, you listened and praised me for the good I have done. For that I tip my hat to the both of you and give a respectful bow.
Thank you all for reading this if you have and may God bless you this week and many days to come.
Monday, August 6, 2012
I Talk to Myself (Part Two)
Cause I just discovered something....
I have been on some autism forums and found something quite relieving. I have said before about me talking to myself. Whether it is an autistic trait is unsure but I have found that many people with autism actually do this. It's a short but sweet message here but I am glad to find that others with autism do this. I wasn't if others had this 'think out loud' concept. It is quite therapeutic and helps alot. Just a short blurb. Not much of a part 2 but what was I supposed to call it? Part 1 1/2?
Read Part One
I have been on some autism forums and found something quite relieving. I have said before about me talking to myself. Whether it is an autistic trait is unsure but I have found that many people with autism actually do this. It's a short but sweet message here but I am glad to find that others with autism do this. I wasn't if others had this 'think out loud' concept. It is quite therapeutic and helps alot. Just a short blurb. Not much of a part 2 but what was I supposed to call it? Part 1 1/2?
Read Part One
Thursday, July 26, 2012
I Cried...
.. Out Loud.
I got the blessed oppurtunity to watch a video on a very special girl named Carly. She has severe Autism. I watched many videos on her and wish to read her book, Carly's Voice. Upon watching her video, I persistently started to cry and cry out loud with no control. My eyes were burning from the tears. Her story has changed me so much in the time that I had watching the videos. I will definitely be reading her book ASAP!
Though I do have to admit that before I was not in a very good mood. I had also just watched a video on a boy whom had Autism and was on this talk show. Just Youtube Search: 'Kathie Lee Gifford Makes Autistic Kid Cry on TV'. It angered me. Made me furious! But Carly.. Oh Carly.
She literally became my new super hero. She is my idol now. I have no words to describe my feelings right now. I can not describe them right now. Nothing can ever describe the feelings right now.
I have sense then taken a good look at myself and seen what is up with myself. I remember a person asked me what my stims were. I couldn't really think of anything at the time. Though I can now think of a couple:
1) Crinkling corners of pages in books
2) Talking to Ones Self
3) Hands Clasped When Thinking (Sherlock Holmes Syndrome as I put it)
4) Pacing
5) Used to Chew on Things
6) Does Rambling Count?
7) Oh yeah when I talk about something of great interest sometimes I speak in an accent. XD
Short list but you get the idea.
I have also gotten the chance to watch Jacob Barnett, a savant. Just google search the kid... yeah kid... he is in college at the at of 12! He has Aspergers.
So I will close this up for today. I am glad I did what I have done these past few hours. :)
Till next time,
Peace!
I got the blessed oppurtunity to watch a video on a very special girl named Carly. She has severe Autism. I watched many videos on her and wish to read her book, Carly's Voice. Upon watching her video, I persistently started to cry and cry out loud with no control. My eyes were burning from the tears. Her story has changed me so much in the time that I had watching the videos. I will definitely be reading her book ASAP!
Though I do have to admit that before I was not in a very good mood. I had also just watched a video on a boy whom had Autism and was on this talk show. Just Youtube Search: 'Kathie Lee Gifford Makes Autistic Kid Cry on TV'. It angered me. Made me furious! But Carly.. Oh Carly.
She literally became my new super hero. She is my idol now. I have no words to describe my feelings right now. I can not describe them right now. Nothing can ever describe the feelings right now.
I have sense then taken a good look at myself and seen what is up with myself. I remember a person asked me what my stims were. I couldn't really think of anything at the time. Though I can now think of a couple:
1) Crinkling corners of pages in books
2) Talking to Ones Self
3) Hands Clasped When Thinking (Sherlock Holmes Syndrome as I put it)
4) Pacing
5) Used to Chew on Things
6) Does Rambling Count?
7) Oh yeah when I talk about something of great interest sometimes I speak in an accent. XD
Short list but you get the idea.
I have also gotten the chance to watch Jacob Barnett, a savant. Just google search the kid... yeah kid... he is in college at the at of 12! He has Aspergers.
So I will close this up for today. I am glad I did what I have done these past few hours. :)
Till next time,
Peace!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
What Dreams May Come...
A movie review...
I have always dreamed of what can possibly be the ultimate after death paradise. For a very long time I kept thinking to myself if all of this is just a dream then what is true reality? I could only imagine with the after life had to give us. The logical place of science and math. The after world that could possibly be out there is beyond anything that could ever be comprehensible. This movie is very much what I needed. This movie is fantastic!
From a technical stand point, this movie is very well done for its age. Gorgeous colors in heaven and dark destroying colors in hell. Cinematics are gorgeous. It's like every shot was taken by a painter.
They love to play with the environment in order to help portray the message. The words are very poetic. The environments are given more than colors. The layout is artistically laid out well.There are times however that the green screen effects are not very well done. More so in places like hell. It's just not as smooth and the lighting feels off in those scenes. The mesh between the actor and the back round don't become one of the same.
Morally this movie brings upon heaven and hell with out pressing the whole case of religion. This is a very strong motivational picture. The words are portrayed so well. There are no dull conversations. It is very well written. It talks about love and never giving up not about God.
I was tear jerked by the ending. I highly recommend this movie for any one. The alternate ending is best to be an alternate ending. I am glad. They are both technically the same ending. Just played differently. Personally I like the original ending. The ending that is in the movie plays back on the begining while the old one is very bland. They end up on opposite ends of the planet and just isn't as touching as the original.
All in all great movie! I actually cried! But just in case you are curious.. here are some things that I actually didn't like about the movie.
1) The editing in hell is bad. Really Bad.
2) I understand the personal heaven and personal hell thing. But here is my problem. All of heaven and hell is contrived of the couples own personal heaven and hell. Why is heaven and hell only there view of it? it kind of feels like everyone is hell has to suffer through this womens hell. It makes no sense to make all of hell to be like her own hell. Just a thought.
3) So it takes a blink of an eye to get back from hell but you had to get on a boat to get to hell? Seems legit...
But yeah this is just a brief of my thoughts.. I probably should have done a video but that's ok..
till next time ..
Peace!
Edit: I would also like to add that I was not a big fan of Robin Williams being the main character in this movie. I don't think he had it quite down when he is portraying the character in hell.. not until the very end at least. But other than that he had it down rather well.
Also why did Christy (Williams) freeze up at the end before returning to heaven. I don't get why that happened and what exactly happened. He is talking then suddenly can't move then suddenly he wakes up in heaven again. What the fuck?
I have always dreamed of what can possibly be the ultimate after death paradise. For a very long time I kept thinking to myself if all of this is just a dream then what is true reality? I could only imagine with the after life had to give us. The logical place of science and math. The after world that could possibly be out there is beyond anything that could ever be comprehensible. This movie is very much what I needed. This movie is fantastic!
From a technical stand point, this movie is very well done for its age. Gorgeous colors in heaven and dark destroying colors in hell. Cinematics are gorgeous. It's like every shot was taken by a painter.
They love to play with the environment in order to help portray the message. The words are very poetic. The environments are given more than colors. The layout is artistically laid out well.There are times however that the green screen effects are not very well done. More so in places like hell. It's just not as smooth and the lighting feels off in those scenes. The mesh between the actor and the back round don't become one of the same.
Morally this movie brings upon heaven and hell with out pressing the whole case of religion. This is a very strong motivational picture. The words are portrayed so well. There are no dull conversations. It is very well written. It talks about love and never giving up not about God.
I was tear jerked by the ending. I highly recommend this movie for any one. The alternate ending is best to be an alternate ending. I am glad. They are both technically the same ending. Just played differently. Personally I like the original ending. The ending that is in the movie plays back on the begining while the old one is very bland. They end up on opposite ends of the planet and just isn't as touching as the original.
All in all great movie! I actually cried! But just in case you are curious.. here are some things that I actually didn't like about the movie.
1) The editing in hell is bad. Really Bad.
2) I understand the personal heaven and personal hell thing. But here is my problem. All of heaven and hell is contrived of the couples own personal heaven and hell. Why is heaven and hell only there view of it? it kind of feels like everyone is hell has to suffer through this womens hell. It makes no sense to make all of hell to be like her own hell. Just a thought.
3) So it takes a blink of an eye to get back from hell but you had to get on a boat to get to hell? Seems legit...
But yeah this is just a brief of my thoughts.. I probably should have done a video but that's ok..
till next time ..
Peace!
Edit: I would also like to add that I was not a big fan of Robin Williams being the main character in this movie. I don't think he had it quite down when he is portraying the character in hell.. not until the very end at least. But other than that he had it down rather well.
Also why did Christy (Williams) freeze up at the end before returning to heaven. I don't get why that happened and what exactly happened. He is talking then suddenly can't move then suddenly he wakes up in heaven again. What the fuck?
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Autism Abortions...
... This is NOT OK!
So lately I have been catching up on Autism and as I was looking at my facebook, thautcast.com recently blogged about another blogger whom has given a post regarding prenatal testing. Though I am glad for this up and coming technology, I am not all to excited to see that potentially autism can be a reason for the mother to abort and terminate the baby.
Link to the article here...
I have decided to give my two cents on the subject via podcast.
Also a small milestone today as I have hit the 100 view mark for this blog. Thank you to all whom have read my blogger :)
So lately I have been catching up on Autism and as I was looking at my facebook, thautcast.com recently blogged about another blogger whom has given a post regarding prenatal testing. Though I am glad for this up and coming technology, I am not all to excited to see that potentially autism can be a reason for the mother to abort and terminate the baby.
Link to the article here...
I have decided to give my two cents on the subject via podcast.
Also a small milestone today as I have hit the 100 view mark for this blog. Thank you to all whom have read my blogger :)
Friday, July 6, 2012
Zebra Stripes...
I look back to a complicating time in my life, elementary school. I know that seems preposterous but when I was unable to make friends but for a couple all through middle school and elementary school than I believe I have every right to say that it was hard for me at least a little bit. No one understood my way of thinking. I was an outcast. Weird.
The one thing about Aspergers I will always back people up on the misunderstandings that occur inside of the Aspys mind. No matter how hard a person may try, it is extremely hard to understand the mind or at least the words that may come out of an aspy's mouth. Well here is a memory, it's nothing special, to try to tell me what I mean.
I was in the first grade and we were learning about camouflage that animals use in order to defend themselves. I had watched PBS prior to class and thought I had a very clever answer. The children's show Kratts' Creatures had shown how Zibras camouflaged with each other to hide from lions by blending with themselves and the fact/theory that lions are possibly color blind. I raised my hand with full confidence and said my answer, "Zebras." Everyone proceeded to laugh at me including the teacher. I had tried to explain the reasoning but no one would listen. I didn't answer very often in school due to this experience. I couldn't understand how I was wrong. A children's show had just told me an interesting fact on animal life and I get laughed at. (Upon research I found that this fact about Zebras was indeed true.) Due to my shyness and misunderstanding of why they laughed and many of the exact situation that repeated it self in my life, I learned to not speak up.
I still to this day, even after saying how they camouflage in class, don't understand why they continued to laugh that day. Maybe its just me. Maybe this has nothing to do with my Aspergers but it sure as hell does still confuse me. I feel sometimes that I don't understand certain social concepts. To be honest, this is all off of memory. Maybe the teacher didn't laugh at me, but no one sure as hell defended me.
The one thing about Aspergers I will always back people up on the misunderstandings that occur inside of the Aspys mind. No matter how hard a person may try, it is extremely hard to understand the mind or at least the words that may come out of an aspy's mouth. Well here is a memory, it's nothing special, to try to tell me what I mean.
I was in the first grade and we were learning about camouflage that animals use in order to defend themselves. I had watched PBS prior to class and thought I had a very clever answer. The children's show Kratts' Creatures had shown how Zibras camouflaged with each other to hide from lions by blending with themselves and the fact/theory that lions are possibly color blind. I raised my hand with full confidence and said my answer, "Zebras." Everyone proceeded to laugh at me including the teacher. I had tried to explain the reasoning but no one would listen. I didn't answer very often in school due to this experience. I couldn't understand how I was wrong. A children's show had just told me an interesting fact on animal life and I get laughed at. (Upon research I found that this fact about Zebras was indeed true.) Due to my shyness and misunderstanding of why they laughed and many of the exact situation that repeated it self in my life, I learned to not speak up.
I still to this day, even after saying how they camouflage in class, don't understand why they continued to laugh that day. Maybe its just me. Maybe this has nothing to do with my Aspergers but it sure as hell does still confuse me. I feel sometimes that I don't understand certain social concepts. To be honest, this is all off of memory. Maybe the teacher didn't laugh at me, but no one sure as hell defended me.
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