Or Is There A Misunderstanding?
My sister, Erin, lives in the upstairs of my mothers house. She has her own living room, bathroom, bedroom and even office. She has recently done renovations to the place and it looks absolutely marvelous. She has done so much and I am indeed proud of her.
My sister is Autistic. I don't expect her to be this great big thing in life but that's fine with me. She doesn't have to be. She just goes on and does her thing which is all the more she has to do. She is special in her own sense. However, every time some one comes to her apartment it feels weird to me. People will ask me if I am proud of my sister and I will look at them blankly. Yes, of course, I am proud of her. Why wouldn't I be? I mean yeah she is my sister, I am supposed to be proud. Then they will continue to talk about her and how she is just so smart. "She is just so intelligent." Again I give a blank look and think Um Yeah why is everyone saying that like it wasn't expected?
Everyone looks at Erin and give such an admirable out look. Am I the only one who is misinterpreting this? Erin is Autistic, not stupid. I keep getting the idea that everyone keeps praising her cause she has a disability and that she has learned so much. Yeah of course she has. It just comes off as weird.
The reason I bring this up now however is that I feel I am getting the same vibe at work as of late. I always felt people misinterpreted what autism truly is in hindsight. Autism, let alone Aspergers, does not affect your intelligence. Only extreme cases have this and it is less than... 20 percent i want to say. Don't quote me on that. But in the mass scheme of things Autism is not a intellectual disorder. Erin is capable of learning how to do the laundry, mowing the lawn, and yes decorate her own apartment (which she did nicely on). So when I am at work, I get this constant feeling that people look at me in a different light.
I constantly get this over praise. I don't feel that I deserve a prize for doing my job. I keep thinking that people assume that I am stupid. I don't even know if this is the case or not. I have been working at my current place of employment for almost 4 years..we had a different manager for almost 3 of those years and well long story short, no one had on record my Aspergers Syndrome. So when I turned it in everyone was scratching there heads.
I had good scores with my other manager but then this one comes along and gives me ones. So now I have to push my ass to work harder after 3 years of drilling a certain routine. I can't help but feel stressed and depressed that I have to push harder. But still while I am on that note, I can't help but feel that sometimes people expect either too much or too little of me. Everyone has a weird look on me. Not sure if its personality or the Aspergers showing through.
So now due to these misunderstandings I can't help but feel that me working alone would be best. I don't fit into normal society. I can't understand the way people act and the such. I get missunderstood but in the same light...
I misunderstand everyone else at the exact same time.
