I Talk To Myself..

But I don't hear voices in my head.

 As awkward as it might seem for most, I have my occasional conversation with myself and its not like those cheesy multiple personality YouTube videos you see on the internet either. It's more like I am reassuring myself of what is going on and the thoughts in my head. It is as though I can not stand to just think and I have to hear what is being thought. It is literally bypassing my brain and going straight to my mouth.  In some situations it can be an actual conversation. But most of the time there are 'scenarios' that occur in my head and have to be 'played out' verbally. This leads to me talking under my breathe and the occasional pacing. I am unsure why I act in such a manner. It could be that information must be heard instead of silently thought but that makes very little sense. There are times where that is by far not the case (such as at school). I have a very minor tiny lip speak that happens in math class but that's as far as it goes. There are a lot of thoughts in my head due to my ADHD, thus makes me believe that these actions are a 'partnership' between my ADHD and my Aspergers Syndrome. I believe the two are feeding off of each other. I will update on this later when I get it.

I hope that the previous paragraph has made sense. I have tried multiple times to explain to people how my head works. It's not easy to explain to anyone how you yourself thinks, how you perceive things. Perception is a tricky thing to grasp. If you can master that, than you got it going on. Anyways, back on topic.

 As a result I get looks every once in a while. I don't notice people staring at me (normally). Most of the time it happens at home where there is privacy and strangely a mirror. I tend to watch myself doing it. As I type this and reread that last sentence I realize how weird that must be for others if they were to watch. I mean come on, why would I watch myself doing this. This isn't something that is done by a normal person. Sure people tend to talk to themselves but they don't do it in this manner. It might be for a couple of minutes or so. For me it can last an hour if I have that kind of time. Luckily, these actions don't interrupt my work. I tend to talk under my breathe and can keep focused other wise. The exception has been at register where I must talk to people. I stop my talking well before I get to my register and act 'normally'. Once I get back to the floor I go back to my scenario (given I can remember).

Advantage: I can come up with many story ideas and situations this way. If I don't speak it out loud I tend to forget (this could also play a part as to why I act this way). It gives me free rain for my brain to explore and 'play'. It also is a great way to rest my mind. At night, I have a hard time getting to sleep (sense it takes around 30 minutes to an hour to fall asleep). When I 'talk to myself' I get to relax and vent thoughts from my head. Other wise it floats around in my head making it harder sometimes to fall asleep.

Disadvantage: People tend to look at me like I do hear voices. My current boss thinks this is the case. I am about to sit his butt down and fully explain the situation. People look at me weird. They have labeled me as retarted because of it. My sister is High Functioning Autistic and she does the same thing except to the extreme. I get labeled as her. I will talk more on that also later.

Now do keep in mind that I don't do this everyday. I talk to myself every once in a while. A few times  week at most. It's a habit but not a horrible one. It's not like I get lost or anything. Though I am pretty sure I was talking to myself once and stubbed my toe cause I wasn't looking. XD Talk about a wake up call!

And so I end this post and maybe later I will update on this subject. Who knows. We'll see what happens right?

Till then,
Peace!


Check out Part two! Part Two of This Blurb

Everyday is an Adventure...

until boredom strikes.

I not only have aspergers syndrome but I am also ADHD. This blog will be the life and times of me with both as they collide and make my world.. though it may not be exciting to you.. I will find that I will try very little to use proper grammar just out of lazyness (once in a while I will try very hard.. but that will be rare.)

This is my second set of blogs and so I will keep making new posts every once in a while. Oh what else to blog about.. hmm I wonder...