Living the Double Life...

Child and adult all at once...

There come times in my life when I am supremely confused, some more than others. As of late, my father and I have not been on the best of terms. He has been acting very strange and it has begun to bother me to great strengths. For example, today after work, I went to my room to find that it has been cleaned. Granted I am thankful that he has cleaned it (he shouldn't really) but I started to have a bit of a panic because everything was moved around and my door was left open. I don't like my door open for privacy and safety reason of my fish. My cat knows that I have one and he could cause damage to the tank and I don't want her to get in and eat my fish or anything. On top of this, he has accumulated a bunch of things that was clutter and put it all in a box. Most people would find this pleasant but I on the other hand find it rude and not fair. Things like earache drops, jewelry and odd and ends I have made were some of the few. He even put my private stash of granola bars in the kitchen instead of my room where I had them. He also left a list I started of things that we needed for the house (Cat Food, Cat Litter and Trash Bags) in my room with the last item scratched off. I am not sure what I have done to piss him off so much but this is just the tip of the iceberg. A few weeks ago is when it got bad...

Now just as a simple piece of knowledge, I am not a messy person. I get clutter and the such but I do not make a horrendous mess when it comes down to it. I vacuum once a week, I clean up my mirror and take care of my laundry etc; primarily clutter. This the root of where my behalf began. Where it truly rooted I am unsure of but I know this does have something to do with it. Either way, I find myself threatened.

A few months ago I had left a bag of dedicates by the washer and dryer to be washed when it came closer to time. I was going to wear the items it contained for my past Ohayocon but alas... I couldn't find it. I had lost it and could not find the bag containing my black dress and a couple pieces I was going to potentially become a steampunk cosplay. It was a  shirt and pair of pants but still it was necessary that it be washed in a special cycle.

I had a fit because I couldn't find it. I asked my dad if he had seen it and said no. I went downstairs frustrated because I had not moved it (the basement is where the laundry room is). My dad followed me and we started to bicker. He got angry and told me that it should have been in my room. O.o what? Delicates that need washed do not belong in your bedroom, last I checked. After trying to tell him that very thing, the worst happened. 

He got and angry (please let me finish this statement before people panic) and picked up a pair of scissors by the blade and shook the handle at me telling me something along the lines of, "This is down here too!" It was like he was telling me that it shouldn't be down there either. I couldn't understand his reasoning. I know it doesn't sound threatening on paper but when that kind of thing occurs with your father yelling at you with a stiff and stern posture and face... you can't help but die inside.. I died inside that day.

I am calling out to everyone and anyone who live this. He has never laid a hand on me but that day. He scared me .. bad. All of this is accumulating because I am not reaching my fathers expectations. I want to live by my own accord but I am stuck in this childlike state because I have yet to move out and I am under his control. His house, his rules. That means if he wants the door open, he will do so. I have no items of mine. (ok I do but it sure as hell doesn't feel that way) 

Anyone please send advice. I am so frustrated. I vacuum twice a week first floor and my room, take care of the kitty litter and most of the time the food (sense the cat knocks over the bull I have been trying to switch over to just filling it myself instead of the container it is in), my own laundry, keeping my room up to date and clean up the kitchen floor and front room floor as well as keep up with the basics of the bathroom. But because my dad saw dust on the bathroom counter even though I just cleaned it (I must have missed a couple spots and got the main messes) and that I vacuum but apparently I move the vacuum too quick (apparently?) that I don't pick up dirt etc (Oh yes I do!) then he can come into my room and move stuff out of my room and leave my door open etc. I don't care anymore if people think I am a spoiled brat or what. I know what dad did with the scissors is not ok! If you want to teach me do it fucking right!

D'X 

any advice? 

Also I can't move out quite yet. At 24, I make minimum wage at 8 or so dollars an hour. Most apartments go for 400 at least a month and thats not including electric and water. I am in school and want to experiment with Podcasting and vlogging etc. Communication sounds like fun...