Make me so sad...
I have only recently noticed the sadness that over comes me at this holiday time. I used to be so excited about the holidays to come but I keep finding myself coming back to tears. I am so stressed. I was never that good at gift giving. I just winged it. I am unsure what triggers it so much. I listen to christmas music and I get this sense of bitter sweet. I don't know what to do at this point in regards what has happened thus far. The stress of me failing school surely does not help.
I guess I am sick of commercialism. I am so sick of people making this all about gifts. Call me selfish, but black friday should be spent on yourself. I don't understand spending so much money on other people. This is not me being mean. This is me using logic. I just find more logic in buying products for people through out the year rather than one night. Black Friday is like a like getting raped by a thief in a dark alley. I try to avoid it. Though I do admit that I spent 40 dollars in movies for myself. But that is not my point.
My point of all this is that I miss christmas for its core values. The love and family. I keep seeing people getting themselves hurt from and being stupid all over material things. I hate christmas for this.
It is mostly sad on a personal level due to the parents divorce The pain I endured from just normal parenting stress. Plus the recent events causes me to become depressed this holiday season. Not much I can do on that though. Still working on it.
I hope you all have a good holiday this year. :) No matter what you celebrate!
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