Specifically mine...
As of recently I have ran into complicated associations with my father. It is very much a long story but much that can be researched to some degree. Allow me to evaluate...
My father is a very proud father. He wishes to show much of his accomplishments and finishing goals. This however has caused me and my father some massive fights and massive pains in the household.
My father wishes to show my room to others if they were to visit. I am not the cleanest person you will ever meet but this is not the deciding factor. I do not wish to present my room. I am unsure as to why I think this. I don't have anything to hide. I just do not wish for people to see my room without me being there. For some unknown reason to me other than dads pride, he won't understand to my decision. He gets very angry and nasty about it.
I was thought that adulthood consisted more than just picking after oneself. I was under the impression that adulthood came with communicating with everyone; including your parents. If something is wrong then you communicate to them the issue. Sometimes compromises can be made if one finds something unfair. I do not wish to get into this sense it has been put to rest. (Though I do not feel that it is still 'fair' but that is for a different day.)
I have been attempting to understand my fathers decisions and find what makes him tick. For the most part I can't find that one little detail that makes him focus and perceive through ideas and concepts.
Through the majority of my life I didn't have much stimulus. I was more concerned about finding time to do homework and the such just to stay afloat. Most people love to blame my mother for these actions (since my mother did not take us out other than karate class and grocery shopping on Saturdays). Though this may be a part of the issue I do not find it the absolute problem from my past. I had a choice as a kid to do what I wanted and needed. I interacted with students on a regular basis. It makes little sense for this excuse to go through.
My father has come to this absolute solution that this is not 'rocket science' which is very true. It isn't. But the conflictions of how we do things around the house and our own understanding of how things work are very much different in our heads.
I do not know if the following is because of pride of himself or what, but I do know it hurts. For those whom have Aspergers then you find that this following may offend you. My father told me that I needed to 'put aspergers aside and move on.'
D':
I can not simply turn this off. I am forever this way. I told my father so hard to explain it. I felt so tortured. I don't know if this is what it feels like to be discriminated but it happened. It hurt so much. I balled so much last night that my stomach hurt, I almost puked and I felt heavily depressed. I feel absolutely worthless. He is going off of information that was from 26 years ago. My sister has Autism and he thinks I am nothing like her. Trust me I am not like most whom are on the spectrum but damn it I am a lot more like my sister than my father takes for granted.
I am unsure if dad wants to take so much pride in raising me even though he has only recently came into my life. I am so unsure of the definitions of adult. I don't know what to do about it. I pray that I find true answers to this question soon. I thought people communicated, even to their own kids. Hey you are an adult now that means we need to communicate and act as such. I don't know why he just slips this list of things to do and thats that. I didn't know that this is what compromise was. He took one thing off the list. Damn it I didn't want to get into this.
Sorry, apparently I am spoiled. Apparently I am not respecting my dad by wanting to talk. I have to scream to be heard. Isn't that sad..
Fine... I am a brat.. spoiled.. whatever...
Even with that aside, I still don't feel that I am a person. I have to present my room to people I don't know and that is that.
Someone please give me some kind of answer...
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